The net imitates life.  Those social conventions we apply to real life cross over to the web, especially on sites like Facebook and Twitter.  Screen-to-screen encounters, however, compel people to waive common courtesy along with prudence over the Internet. And while people feel protected behind avatars and aliases, privacy controls and the alleged small viewership of their online affairs, we really don’t know who reads about us, has researched us or saved online mementos of us to their mental or computer hard drives.  

Managing your online reputation and online relationships requires a level of self-consciousness and some tact.  There’s no net policing to ensure we deliver our social graces, but that’s why netiquette was invented.  Your gauging question for all online activities should be: “Would I do this in a face-to-face relationship?”

Tamar Weinberg, author of The New Community Rules: Marketing on the Social Web raises reader’s consciousness of the appropriateness of their social networking habits by asking:

•    Would you jump on the friendship bandwagon without properly introducing yourself?
•    Would you consistently talk about yourself without regard for those around you?
•    Would you randomly approach a friend you barely talk to and simply ask for favors – repeatedly?
•    Would you introduce yourself to another person as ‘Pink House Gardening?

If any of these actions sound too familiar, start changing your online behaviors to avoid becoming a social networking outcast.

Here are four guidelines for networking on social sites:

1.    Recognize why you are on a social network.

Is it for personal or professional purposes?

Answering that question can help inform your ‘online contact strategy.’  According to Kristen Dixson, a reputation management and online identity expert, an ‘online contact strategy’ is a consistent policy you clearly communicate to current and potential contacts who connect with you.  This includes who your friends are and how to decline friend requests.

Generally, Facebook is regarded as a personal space while LinkedIn is used for building professional relationships.  Twitter is where personal or professional go public.  And MySpace serves as a platform where people can connect to both friends and musicians.  Knowing what you use your social networks for will help you decide who to let into your social niches.  Some people like to demarcate their private lives from their professional ones, declining friends requests from co-workers on Facebook.  On the contrary, others reserve their LinkedIn networks strictly for professionals and colleagues.

How do you politely decline these friends requests?

Do you brush aside the requests and leave them pending indefinitely?  Or do you reject them upfront?  Ultimately, it’s your call.  But if it is someone you may want to connect with in the future, I suggest caching that request and leaving it unanswered.  For requests from strangers, if they don’t specify a reason for the request or acknowledge their connection to you, ask for it, otherwise, discard.

But what about those sticky situations where your friendly cubicle neighbors at work find you on Facebook?  For colleagues, I would lay it down nicely by clearly explaining your reason of decline.  Something along the lines of how you value your working relationship, but reserve your network for close friends and family should suffice.

If you have trouble saying no, then perhaps offer the requester an alternative. Rather than embarking on an online relationship on Facebook, perhaps you can add them on LinkedIn instead.

And lastly, for those cases where a friend of a friend is asking to be your friend, contact your friend to learn more about that person or ask your friend to make the introductions before making a decision.

2.    Keep it private, but personal – but not too personal.

Personal contacts want to interact with you, not your business.

Though your business-based alias like “Bug-Juice Insecticide” may guarantee a high-level of anonymity and commercial publicity, on the majority of social networks, people want to connect to fellow humans, not businesspersons.  Commercial names and business promos via mailing lists, status updates or Twitter feeds, come off impersonal and artificial and will cause people to write you off as a spammer.

There’s no place for narcissism or self-indulgent rants.

Another spammy thing to do is to use your social network for self-promos (e.g., daily status updates on your next DJ gig) or for reporting personal or confidential correspondence.  Tweeting about how an eBay seller is ‘rude, money-robbing, unwashed vermin’ reflects a lack of professionalism and integrity on you too.

People are usually out to criticize the content, not the writer.

When posting blogs, articles or stories on social sites, know that readers will be judging your words and not you as a person.  So in the case, you submit an entry to a site and the moderators decide to bury it out of a difference of opinion, don’t take it personally and start a flame war.  Transforming a blog or forum into a hate shrine as act of vengeance suggests three things about you at the least: a) you really hate the person, b) you have anger-management issues, and c) you have a lot of time on your hands.

3.    Choose images and video postings wisely.

Whoever said “a picture is worth a thousand words,” may have also followed this up with “an inappropriate picture means ten thousand apologies.”

Social networks support rich multimedia environments. You can create photo albums, post art, or your favourite rap video. Just like postings of words, the images you choose reflect on who you are and how you want to be perceived.

Pictures you posted to your profile that may seem funny and shareable at the outset, may prove very embarrassing years later in hindsight. It is even more embarrassing when your pictures are plastered on sites or ads you have no control over and somehow resurface ten years down the road. Making posts publicly accessible and failing to read a social networking site’s terms of use, specifically the fine print concerning how the site shares user content and information can get people into this kind of pickle.

Posting an unflattering picture of either your friends or yourself can compromise reputations and make others uncomfortable. The image can remain online for a lengthy period of time or never be removed at all. Potential employers can visit your Facebook and MySpace pages prior to an interview process, and if what they see leaves a bad taste in their mouth, they’ll be bent on rejection.

4.    Watch what you write, and who you write it to.

Exclusive matters require exclusive communications.

One big no-no is using Twitter feeds, wall posts or group messaging to carry out private conversations between two people.  Those excluded from the conversation are left to read through the back-and-forth dialogue as either unwilling or overly interested bystanders.  By skimming through someone’s wall post, you can easily find out where people are working, who they’re seeing, where they’ve traveled to and where they currently reside.  If there are available privacy settings for restricting who views your wall, then use them to not just protect your own privacy, but also the privacy of others.

Street talk works with certain crowds.

The vernacular you use in wall posts, blog entries or even one-liner comments provides a preview of your personality.  So while the informality of urban expressions like “all up in my grill” and “yummy mummy” work in private emails with friends, it may not be appropriate on the public spaces of social networking sites, which current or potential employers and colleges can access.

Hate speech, obscenity/vulgarity and personal attacks are opting to be flagged.

Racial slurs, gender slander, religious contempt, profanities and criticisms without warrant are huge no-no’s. It’s equivalent to walking down the street and spitting out your two cents worth to strangers, except online you get away with a slap on the wrist and a flagging.  Before you post, think about the potential consequences of the action and always refrain from reacting out of emotion alone.

The quality of your communication matters.

Every blog, every posting you write up, needs to be purposeful, on-topic and well thought out, otherwise you’re wasting people’s time on screening and filtering.  I have seen trivial postings on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace, about the banal daily activities that people engage in. If you are a movie star being followed by a fan-struck populace, maybe they all want to know when you brush your teeth, but for everyday people, this is just overcrowding the web with information clutter.  If you must share your daily travails with intimate friends, then create a private group of those closest to you, or use the social network’s email services to connect directly to them and them alone.

Also remember to cut to the chase when responding to another’s post or dropping someone a message.  Sending a notice about a meet up shouldn’t be made into an essay.  A response to a forum discussion about the war in Congo shouldn’t derail into Sarah Palin’s resignation as Alaska governor.

Sources:

Lynch, C. G., “Social Networking Etiquette: How to Introduce Yourself and Others Politely,”
http://www.cio.com/article/493176/Social_Networking_Etiquette_How_to_Introduce_Yourself_and_Others_Politely

Tynan, Dan, “The Etiquette of Social Networking,” http://www.macworld.com/article/135165/2008/09/etiquette.html

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